Week Old Pizza
by dragonprincess1988
Summary: Continuing after Lost and Found might want to read that first Superman gets to see first hand the weirdness that is Bruce and Alfred and we find out what exactly is wrong.


Oracle heard her husband come in, but didn't say anything knowing how tired he was. She decided it would be a good time to contact Superman and ask him to go visit Bruce and Alfred. When Oracle had finally gotten through to Superman he was on his way home after a long day of dealing with morons with large amounts of kryptonite. "Hello Oracle, is there something I can do for you?" Superman answered back rather chipper for someone who had his day.

Oracle had almost taken pleasure in relaying to Superman the news that he had to go check on Bruce and Alfred. She knew exactly how his day had gone and thought that if anyone could be that happy after a day like that then he or she deserved whatever he or she got.

Superman landed outside of Gotham and quickly changed into his Clark Kent clothes. He arrived at the Wayne Manor a little slower than he would have preferred, but he figured angering the Bat would not be the best way to go about things. When he walked in the entire place was dark including the bedrooms that Bruce and Alfred occupied. Clark went to Alfred's room first, not because it was closer or anything, but because he had hoped to linger there long enough to prepare himself to deal with Bruce. Clark was only told that they were both sick and acting strange. Beyond that the only information Clark knew was what he was suppose to do. Oracle had told Clark that he was to check on them and see if he could figure out what exactly was wrong with. Oh, and possibly stay the night with Bruce and Alfred in case they needed anything, but forgetting that little detail was top priority on Clark's to do list.

Alfred had groaned as he turned over then muttered something about too much pie. Clark hadn't even realized he made it to the old man's room already. He walked around the bed to the other side of Alfred to examine him. Other than the restraints, Clark thought everything seemed alright when he looked around the room. Then he actually looked beyond the restraints at the elderly man lying in bed. There was white fluffy cream all over Alfred, Alfred's bed, Alfred's sheets, and Alfred's pillow. Clark leaned down to get a better look and determined that the white fluffy substance was just whipped cream. "Odd, I guess that explains the pie comment." Clark spoke to himself and then quickly made an exit. He then headed down to Bruce's room slightly worried about what he might find in there.

Clark used his x-ray vision to see if Bruce was asleep on the other side of the door. When he realized that Bruce was out cold, Clark gradually opened the door and slide into the room. That was when he noticed Bruce's restraints. Clark decided to call Barbara and ask about that. It seemed slightly odd to him that they had restrained Alfred and it seemed really odd to him that they were able to restrain Bruce.

Barbara sat up in bed after hearing the phone ring. She looked over to her unconscious husband. "Hmm, to wake or to not wake, that is not even a question." Barbara turned over grabbed the covers that were coiled around Dick and pulled with all of her might. Dick landed on the floor with a loud thud. He got up glared at his wife and before Dick could ask what the hell that was for Barbara had pointed at the door. "Phone, go now." She then turned over wrapped the covers around her once more and returned to sleeping.

Dick got down stairs tore the receiver off the hook and let out all of his anger before he could even find out who was calling him. "What! I know you people obviously hate sleep and find it useless, but there are those strange people in the world that like it and try to get as much of it as possible. Let me tell you something, buddy. These lovely late night phone calls are not conducive to such a life style."

Dick was about to hang up and return upstairs when Clark had stopped him. "I need to know more about Bruce and Alfred. What's with the restraints and the whipped cream all over Alfred? Are they a danger to themselves and others? What happened?"

Dick breathed deeply. "The restraints are to keep them in bed. If you knew anything you would know that neither of them do that whole rest thing. They just aren't good at it. The only thing there in danger of is freaking people out so badly that people severely hurt them. As far as what happened goes, my money is on alien parasite. Night!"

Clark was just standing there thinking about that possibility. "Um, can I talk to Barbara?" Clark asked sheepishly.

Dick immediately started to grin. "With pleasure, let me go get her."

Clark could just about hear the evil grin in his voice. "Okay."

Dick ran upstairs and then quietly snuck into his bedroom where Barbara was sleeping. Dick looked over to his desk where saw the magic 8 ball that Tim gave him for his last birthday. Dick picked up the black ball and shook it a bit. As he shook the ball Dick asked a question out loud. "Oh, magical 8 ball of such great wisdom, will I regret what I'm about to do?" He turned over the ball and read out loud. "You probably should, but you won't." Dick placed the 8 ball back on the desk and continued thinking to himself. "Tim knows me far too well. Not that I don't appreciate him using the Bat's technology to make me a computerized high-tech personalized 8 ball."

He then backed up to the door to get a running start. Dick jumped at the last possible second he could before he ended up running into the corner of the bed. As Dick landed on his wife, he latched onto the covers that were tightly twisted around Barbara and tore them from her. Barbara landed on the floor with an excessively loud bang. She stood up and scowled at her husband. He pointed to the door. "Clark, Phone, Now!" Dick turned over on the bed swathed the covers around him and started to drift back to sleep.

Barbara stormed out of the room, went down stairs, and picked up the phone. As pleasantly as she could possibly muster after that incident Barbara began speaking to Clark. "Hello, something I can help you with?"

Clark had almost forgotten what he was waiting for. "Oh, yeah, what took so long?"

Barbara had to swallow all of her anger in that one moment in order to answer Clark's question. "Dick has interesting ways of telling people to get the phone. So, what can I do for you?"

Clark wasn't sure he wanted to dwell on what Barbara had just said. "I need to know what I'm looking for over here. Is there anything I should be cautious about? Dick said something about alien parasites. I just want to know what exactly I'm here for."

Barbara rolled her eyes and sighed. "Dick needs to get off of the alien parasite thing. He checked and found nothing. You think that would be enough for him to put that theory to bed, but no not Dick. Any way, Bruce and Alfred have been acting strange, really strange. I checked all of Bruce's case files for the last two months to see if any could have lead him to something that exposed him to something that's causing him to act the way he is, and I came up with nothing. Dick is practically convinced it's an alien parasite, even if he has no proof. It could just be a cold or flu or something and neither one of them are taking the whole being sick thing well. I don't know. All I know is that you are there to figure out what is up with them."

Clark rubbed his tired eyes. "Okay, well thanks for the information. Go have fun killing your husband. Bye." He hung up the phone and headed upstairs to get to the bottom of this. Clark walked into Bruce's room looking around he found nothing out of the ordinary, excluding Bruce being tied down to the bed with jump ropes and what not.

Before he could investigate more Bruce had awaken and was speaking to him. "Dick is that you? I just wanted to tell you that I love you and even though you were a handful as a kid I loved every second of it. I'm glad that you turned out the way that you did despite my faults as a parent. I'm happy that you have two beautiful and healthy kids of your own. You're a great dad to them and a great person. Don't let the way I act make you feel another way and don't let anyone else tell you differently either."

Clark had jumped backwards and was up against the wall when he heard that. This was not Bruce or the Bat this was an imposter, or at least that's what he had decided was going on here. "Bruce, it's not Dick, it-it's Clark." Clark's voice was shaky.

Bruce opened his eyes a little wider and focused on Clark. "Clark, you're here? I'm so glad. You care, that means so much to me and makes me so happy. Come out of the shadows I want to see your warm friendly face."

Clark was actually afraid. He may have not exactly liked Bruce, but at least he never feared him before. Slowly he crept away from the wall. Clark felt as though if his hand left the wall completely then he would be engulfed by this odd world of Bruce actually showing his emotions. That, to him, was a worse fate than being encased in kryptonite for all eternity.

Bruce was gazing at Clark with a warm smile. "Clark, please come sit next to me. We haven't talked or seen each other in so long. I missed you, buddy."

Clark wasn't sure things could get any weirder, but he did as requested. As Clark inched closer to the bed he realized something. Bruce was merely trying to get Clark to free him from his restraints. Clark figured that because Bruce was sick the Bat voice would sound pathetic, at best. So, he was using a new tactic to get what he wanted. With new found confidence and uplifted spirits Clark walked over and sat on the floor next to Bruce. Clark decided that if Bruce wanted to play this way then fine, why not indulge the old bat?

Bruce turned his head to look at Clark closely. "Did I ever tell you you're a great friend and that you care too much for your own good?"

Clark was sure he had heard a little of the old Bruce in there somewhere, but with the smile plastered on his face Clark couldn't be sure. "Well, you've told me I care too much, but you've never called me a great friend."

Bruce's smile suddenly became less wide, but was still clearly visible. "I'm sorry. I've messed up a lot in my life and I want to thank you and everyone else for always being there for me, through all of my overly moody times."

Clark was going to make the Bat crack first if it killed him. "Awe Bruce, it's okay. We understand that you've had a lot of hard times and you haven't exactly worked through them in the best ways. We all know that all we can do is stick by you in your times of need." Clark was actually being to feel ill. How long could he keep this up?

Bruce looked directly into Clark's eyes and his grin started to widen again. "See I told you. You are a great friend, and I know that you probably think the only reason I'm saying this stuff is to get you to let me go, but I'm not. I mean every word of it."

Clark's eyes grew wider. So, the Bat was playing dirty now. Clark was absolutely determined to make him crack first. "Bruce I know you mean it. I always said that deep down your heart is made of gold." Clark could feel his stomach betraying him on that one. He had to swallow hard just to keep from vomiting.

Bruce looked at the man he was now calling a friend with a serious look. "Could you do me a favor?"

Clark was mere seconds away from shaking. "I uh, I guess. What is it?"

Bruce's eyes glanced down for the first time since Clark had entered the room. "Could you tell Alfred I'm sorry? I'm such a pain in the ass towards him and he's the best there ever was."

Clark couldn't help it, his jaw dropped and just hung open for a minute or two. "Bruce, I have to ask you something and I want you to answer it in all honesty. If the answer is yes then I will do anything in my power to help you, but I can't help you if I don't know. Bruce, are you- are you dying?" Clark couldn't believe the words past through his lips and now he really was shaking.

Bruce sat there silent for a moment. It seemed like he was unsure how to answer. "I am not dying. Why would you think I'm dying just because I wish you to apologize for me to Alfred? I would do it myself if I wasn't tied up." Bruce seemed angry at this juncture.

Clark let out a breath that he didn't even know he was holding in. "As far as you know Alfred isn't dying either right?"

Bruce blinked and then became noticeably sadder. "I'm a horrible person. I don't even ask him how he is on a daily basis. How am I to know if I don't ask? You don't think he is, do you?" Bruce shut his eyes tight and tried to regulate his breath.

Clark automatically placed a hand on Bruce's shoulder. "No, I'm sure he's fine. I was only asking because you seemed like it was urgent that I tell him." Clark wasn't sure what was going on. In fact, the only thing he knew for certain was something was wrong, really wrong.

Bruce began to breathe regularly again. "Well, it is urgent. No one should go a single day without knowing how the people around them feel."

Clark couldn't do it any more. He stood up and began to shout. "Okay, I give. What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you acting like this? Did I do something? Are you acting this way to get back at me? Okay, fine I admit it. I used my heat vision to melt the tires on the Batmobile, happy now? You called Louis a loud mouth bimbo to her face, which sure I agree with you sometimes, but you can't just go around telling people off like that." Clark was practically hyperventilating.

Bruce just stared at the man breathing heavily before him. "I'm sorry. Do you want a hug? I'm sure that will make you feel some what better."

Roy Harper was sitting in font of all of his friends talking. They were in the kitchen of the Wayne Manor. "Dude, that's when I woke up screaming, it was the scariest dream ever. I woke up in a cold sweat and Dick had to slap me to get me to stop yelling."

Dick was shaking his head enthusiastically. "Yeah, he had wakened every Titan up and scared the daylights out of us. Roy, that's the last time you eat week old pizza. What's wrong with you? If it doesn't exactly look healthy, what makes you think it's a good idea to eat it?"

Roy shrugged. "Hey man, pizza is pizza. Maybe you should consider cleaning out the refrigerator once in awhile."

Clark turned to Alfred, who was vigorously washing dishes. "What's wrong with you, Alfred?"

Alfred spun around quickly and glared at Roy. "I did what with the pie?"

Barbara walked over and put her arm around Alfred. "Awe come on, lighten up. It was funny." She could barely hold back her laughter.

Tim glanced over to Bruce, who was sulking in the corner. "Hey Alfred, at least you weren't all like I'm a happy-go-lucky person and all like I love everyone like Bruce was." Tim was laughing so hard he could barely breathe.

Bruce just gazed at Tim with his renowned Bat stare. "Keep laughing Timothy if you want to see your costume torn to shreds and made into doll clothing for Dick's little girl."

Tim looked at Bruce expecting him to be joking, but knowing better. Suddenly Tim gulped and stopped laughing. "You would do it to. That's how we know it's not alien parasites, right Dick?"

Dick laughed a little and put a hand on Tim's shoulder. "Yeah, but you have to admit your costume would make fabulous doll clothes." Dick got an evil look in his eyes and started tapping the tips of his fingers together.

Bruce glared at the two young men once again.

Roy let out a rather large sigh. "I don't think anyone is more pleased to see the Bat glare more than I am."

The End


End file.
